i made a dreamwidth account. im not sure if i want that page to be more bloggy and this neocities more journal-y. i start a new job next monday, and i'm excited for it, but at the same time, really worried! it's a contract role that's supposed to take me through the end of the year with possibility of renewal at the beginning of next year..which is good!i could stand to get more hours, so that + babysitting would put me in a comfy spot perhaps..
i've been going a little crazy with spending these days. i got a new moitie blouse, some meta platforms (i needed to replace my old ones which broke!), and a custom cape/skirt set...and i'm going to nyc to viist my sister this week. i don't regret it because i've been saving, but it feels a little odd doing so much shopping these days...maybe because i have a bit more disposable income?
i woke up early today and watched the light shift across my room. it made me think about how long it's been since i slowed down enough to notice something like that. lately everything has been so fast and so uncertain, like i’m chasing something but unsure of what it even is. i got a lot of work done today, so i'm proud of that.
i've been thinking a lot about work, about purpose, about the kind of life i want to live. it’s scary to want something bigger and not know how to get there yet. but im trying to be gentle by myself.
i watched the ghibli movie, only yesterday, in theaters today...it was so lovely, and i felt deeply affected by it. taeko's character was very relatable in a way, she is floating through life and wants more. i used to work on organic farms and miss that sense of camaraderie with my coworkers as we worked in the fields. i miss the incremental changes and wonders that would await day to day. but i was also very affected by the role memory played in the film..how porously the past and present flowed, how affecting the little things were, how much they lingered with her..
i was really hit hard!
it's hard to be in this liminal space. i want things to be okay again. i wonder when it'll feel normal.
you, reader, should check it out if you haven't already.
today i sipped iced milk tea and finally found a dress i’d been eyeing for weeks. ahh..so exciting!
i started a new job on friday, so i'm spending a brief amount of time today completing trainings (haha) so i can be prepped for monday. also, so i can log some (limited) hours for this week. i'm excited about it for sure - but am very eager to find something a bit more full time, especially because this is a termed position that only will last until the middle of august (boo). i really, really, would like a full time job.
i graduated in may, and the past two months have been so overwhelming. i did really well in school, and i think i took advantage of a lot of opportunities and truly immersed myself in my studies..but i can't help feeling...i don't know, a bit aimless? self-facilitating your own learning is hard. on the other hand, it's very, very easy to fall into bad habits.